I didn't get much sleep last night. I left early, hoping to pick up a coffee for the long day ahead. Went to submit a mobile order for pick. Out at this location. "Bleh." I thought. I'll head to the other location. As I made my way in and our of traffic rushing to get across a town. I finally arrived. Alas, to my dismay, the line had 10 cars waiting to order. I didn't have time for that and off I went to drop the kids off at daycare. As I left the parking garage, now on my way to work, I decided to stop by a local coffee shop and pick up something.

To my delight, my favorite barista was working today. Giving me a "Hey! Long time no see!" and ringing up my usual they got to work brewing up my large mocha with caramel and whip. When I asked "How have you been?" 
"Oh, I'm good. I'm doing 'Friendsgiving' tonight with some friends."

It was at that moment I felt my mind pull backwards and memories from the last ten years flooded me. Remembering when I would go and celebrate 'friendsgiving' with people who were close to me. Remembering weddings I had attended or birthday parties at friends' homes. Going out for pool and drinks. Mug Wednesdays ending with pizza and gaming at someone's apartment. The warm nights and laughs with friends. As my memory came closer to the present, those memories thinned out. The cast of attendees dwindled until there were no recent memories to recall.

"Ahh, that's nice. I used to do that with my friends." My voice is genuine, but a little sad.
"Well, you still could, right?" My face must have given me away because a second later they said. "Or, maybe not?"

Looking down at the counter, I just smiled before I replied.
"You know how a group of friends always ends up with that one person who everyone asks "why is this person in our friend group?"?"

"Yeah."

I looked back up at them as they poured my coffee into its cup.

Hi friends. It's been quite some time since I updated the blog. Some of you follow me over on Instagram and are the most up to date with my ups and downs. Today, though, I wanted to get more of my ideas out of my head than normal. A story only goes so far. And Instagram has a 2,000-ish character limit. So, here we are!

"What do I want to talk about today?" I hear you ask. Well, a lot of things actually. From updates about myself, to discussing mental health, my struggles with this time of year, and the lessons I learned from participating in NaNoWriMo this year. Yeah, I think that order should about do it. Feel free to skip to whichever parts are important to you!

Society and social media have a strange place in our daily lives. They made it as a way to connect with friends or family. Especially in the cases of living far from one another. But in the era of 2022, it's more similar to a cesspool of despair. Whether it's to slam on others' opinions online or eavesdrop and "spy" into the shared day to day of a friend or family member. These days, social media is an expectation by the masses. If you don't keep your friends or family added, then there are problems. If you don't have a presence, then you're suspicious.

I know many, and I too speak from experience, have amazing friends in the digital space. People who genuinely cheer you on. Who hope you succeed. It's strange we come to rely on random people through screens to help get us through the day but we cannot rely on our family or friends to be present and there. What a backwards concept.

Since the release of my first book it feels like my Imposter Syndrome has come alive stronger and more often then ever before. Receiving mixed feedback of praise and love to criticisms about typos, flow, and how novice my writing ability is. It's left me feeling lost and shaken to my core on a constant basis. Recently though, while the imposter syndrome quakes and leaves my soul trembling as it lurks beneath the surface, I feel as if I've found an old part of myself. One that allowed me to walk more freely even amongst the chaos ravaging my insides.

A memento or relic from my younger self, whatever you want to call it. It helped reawaken memories with close friends and mentors telling me things like:

"Even though I don't like you, I actually respect you a lot. You're one of the only people that just tells it like it is. Regardless of whether that makes you popular or not. You're just honest and I never have to wonder if you have ulterior motives. Its refreshing and honestly, really calming. Even if you are the loudest person in the room."

I think this is an important conversation to have. To start I wanted to share a situation that was shared with me and all names and such will be revised.

Kevin reached out to me the other day stating that they had an issue they wanted to vent about. In that conversation they mentioned how frustrated they were with how an important person in their life didn't respect their boundary and privacy when it came to personal information. Kevin said this person had sent out a message to their entire family sharing something personal, which I won't share, against their wishes. i.e. they did not consent to the sharing of this information. Kevin also expressed frustration due to this same person not respecting their boundaries in the past by sharing extremely private and personal details with the family.

Reflecting on this it got me thinking about my own issues with my family growing up and that's the theme of our post this time.

Hello writing, reading, and author friends. Some of you might have been anxiously awaiting this day while others might be surprised. If you didn't know, my Instagram Story space is quite lively. I post almost daily on it. Usually several times throughout the day. Whether it be updating folks on what I'm doing, a sneak peek into family life, or food for thought type posts. If you've followed my stories, been to live shows, or chatted with me you know it's no secret I am a massive advocate for mental health. I take great pride in presenting my issues openly and honestly. I do so hoping to normalize the conversation. I hope that others see my issues and can relate to or find them relatable. I often receive messages or comments thanking me for being open and talking about these things. Or gratitude for putting out positive vibes into the space. When I asked if folks wanted me to begin a blog doing a deeper dive into some of these issues that are close to home many of you said yes! I was pleasantly surprised to see that and so, the blog has been born!